In the middle of pulling one. Almost 11:00 pm.

Hush. I'm new at this.

Okay, so I filled out and sent my first scholarship. Stanford and Duke are next, if I can get my act together.

Kind of nervous. Hard to admit it, but I am.

Anyway... Yeah. After some plotting, failed attempts at being social, a discussion on just how dirty Shakespeare's plays were, pigs, a good idea at the time, and red eyeliner... I, uh, kinda sorta maybe had a crazy idea. Crazy by my standards, that is.

If I decide to grow a pair and go through with it, I'll need a camera. One that doesn't break easily. It'll be difficult. Come to think of it, I may not survive.

So, yeah. How's it going? Any rabid koalas running amok? Or however koalas transport themselves from point A to point B?

Subtitle: I need a new catch phrase. Eh, one will pop up.

So. Colleges. I'm applying right now to the Univeristy of the South, Duke University, Stanford Univeristy, Jacobs Univeristy (in Germany, yo!), and, if I'm feeling like being slapped down with a heavy "NO!", Harvard. The Univeristy of Tennessee is my last resort, should nothing else accept me.

I know the disadvantages I have. Unemployed, no real social life outside of school and the two clubs I'm in, and absolutely no talents, a total loser (). My fellow applicants? Scale-breaking grade point averages, wealthy parents, an upbeat life, most of them never stepping outside their comfortable lifestyles or really caring about people that aren't in their circle.

I may be able to whoop them in the essay department, though. I have something that those rich kids could never even begin to comprehend. I'll bet my camera that they would've just dumped her at some nursing home, left her to die...

Damn. Still stings.

To lighten the mood, there's some.. School spirit week.. thing. Anyway, one of the days is (drumroll) Superhero Day.

For once, I can't wait to see what that Alcatraz wannabe has in store.

So, after months of contemplating it, painfully thinking over such a decision..
"Should I do it?"
"No, it'll be a mistake.. It's not worth it..."
"Do it. Think about it."
"People will be shocked."
"Oh, please. They won't care"

So on and so forth.. I've done it.

That's right. I've cut and layered my hair. The downside is that long hair made me look at least a year younger.

Now, I look like I'm twelve years old.

Son. Of. A. Lamp.

Other than that, a vintage tobacco container, possible infection of the overblown N1H1 virus, a heartrending going-away party, some creme de menthe Altoids, and a sexy idiot in my English 4 class, nothing new to report.

Anyway, this little... (What would you call this?) was stolen by a certain . Yeah, I'm that evil. Fear me. It's long, so beware.

Ten
things I wish I could say to people:
1. Why did you do this to yourself?
2. I'm sorry.
3. Please stop hitting on me. You're nice, and we have a lot in common, but I just can't feel what you feel.
4. I care about you more than words can say.
5. You're not as awesome or unique as you think you are. Please shut the hell up about your Sharpie tattoos and haunted house, you little slut.
6. You're scared of the future but not of a drug you can easily overdose on? Wow, you're retarded.
7. I'll come back. I promise.
8. You're the reason why I think Hell exists. I refuse to believe that nothing will happen to you after you die. That would be too good.
9. Would it not be cool if we met in real life?
10. I will never forgive you.

Nine
things about myself:
1. I like to think that there's some good in the world, even though I know I'm probably wrong.
2. I look younger than I actually am, or so I'm told.
3. I have far more faults than redeeming qualities.
4. I like writing, but I really, really suck at it.
5. I try to be nice.
6. I'll fear something, then grow accustomed to it, then see it as awesome. Example: Soldier ants.
7. I value animals more than I do most humans.
8. I need to read more books.
9. I hate Ayn Rand. (Kudos if you catch the reference.)

Eight
ways to win my heart:
(Note: The prize is not worth the hunt. No, really. I'm crazy.)
1. What heart?
2. Tell me when I'm upsetting you or hurting you.
3. Don't be afraid of a little adventure.
4. Be humble.
5. Think.
6. If someone's asking for help, help them.
7. Know your standards and stick to them.
8. Humor, humor, humor. (Bad puns are the best.)

Seven
things that cross my mind a lot:
1. "How will we die?"
2. The emotional spectrum.
3. "Am I really going crazy?"
4. What to do in case of X situation.
5. "What's wrong with my chest?"
6. "Why are there fourteen year olds dealing in drugs?"
7. "HOLY CRAP I JUST HAD THE BEST IDEA EVER."

Six
things I do before I fall asleep:
1. Brush teeth.
2. Wash face.
3. Crawl into bed.
4. Lie down.
5. Close eyes.
6. Think.

Five
places I want to go:
1. Siberia, or some other place with the Lights.
2. Russia.
3. Back to Germany.
4. The Moon.
5. Singapore.

Four
things I'm wearing right now:
1. Shirt.
2. Jeans.
3. Glasses.
4. An extended middle finger. (My favorite accessory!)

Three
bands I listen to often (at the moment):
1. The Tragically Hip
2. Voltaire
3. Duvet

Two
things I want to do before I die:
1. Say "F**k you" to a crowd of 100,000+ people.
2. Jump from a really high altitude. (This will probably be the last thing I ever do. )

One
confession:
1. I'm painfully shy. Wait, that's not a confession. Oh, well!

I tag...

You know what? Tag yourself, ya lazy bum! ><

Right. Figured you guys needed an update on the Craptastic Adventures of Internet Person #Who's-Really-Keeping-Track. I could be wrong (wouldn't doubt that), but why take the risk?

O-kay! Sara had another seizure, first one in a month. I was wrong about the perscription pills she's been given; it's epilepsy. On the bright side, no one can accuse her of being addicted to anything.

School starts back up in... Wow, 13 days. From June 9th to July 29th... It sorta seems like the summer break keeps getting shorter. Innocent change in the calendar, or attempt to use the building's lack of openable windows, locked doors, and chainlink fence to further oppress the inquisitve mind? I'm on to you, [Name Withhheld] High School! I'm on to you and your plans to revive Hitlersaurus, and I will stop you!

AP Exam results are in. A two out of a possible six. Oh, the shame.

Writing is... At a standstill for the moment, but the funk shall leave. How? Pure force of will. Why? Because nothing can stand against a very determined midget. In an Ozzfest shirt. It has Satan on a toilet seat. Come on.

To end this on a positive note, HOLY COW A GIANT ROCK! All glory to the giant rock!!!

So, school's finally ended. Just one more year, then it's off to college. Duke U is only a slight possibility. This place succeeded in destroying that dream, at least. Another shrunken head above the fireplace. They almost destroyed the University of the South, but they're holding on to me tight. I don't much mind that.

Lowest grade was a 98 out of a possible 100. Next time, I'll try harder. Then again, with Trig and pre-Calculus back to back, plus Biomedical Technology, some Psychology (for relaxation), H. English 4, H. Chemistry 2, H. Government, Economics, and a retaking of the ACT and SAT.. I don't think I have much of a choice in trying harder. (Even then, this is kid's stuff compared to education in other countries... I feel like a lazy bum. )

But we did have a mini-phenomenon in German. It is called, "Etwas", and it means something. Half of the students got up to see what "Etwas" means. Go on. Find out: [link]

In other news, my sister had a seizure. The doctors are saying epilepsy, but we're not too sure. She's been fine, since, but she continues to take Xanax, the Devil in prescription form. I'm on to you, pharmaceutical companies. You and your... happy pills... Grr. She's also considering going to school. College isn't anywhere near as strict as the Ninth Circle of Hell Uh, I mean, the high school she was unfairly sentenced to for some unknown (yet heinous) crime attending. Let's hope it'll work out for her. She needs something to hold on to. Anything. As long as it doesn't turn to dust just as she grabs it.

Took a small break to Georgia for three days. Yes, I have pictures. I'll see which ones are good enough to submit.

Rethinking medical school (again). Sure, being a biomedical technologist/forensic pathologist (or even a general practitioner, to combat the ever-decreasing amount of doctors in the U.S.) is awesome, but education comes at a price. I guess wanting to help ungrateful people screws you over in every way. Or maybe I'm just trying to talk myself out of it. Or maybe my subconscious simply refuses to let a successful person come from this town, from that school. Who knows.

The fireflies are out. They're pretty.